Dollhouse

As you all know, I'm a huge fan f Joss Whedon, creator of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Angel, and Firefly.

He's back with a new Series. I've been waiting for this for years and now it's finally here. Check out the new creation from the mind of what I consider sheer genius....


http://link.brightcove.com/services/link/bcpid1554364106/bctid1554394250


First episode Feb. 13 at 8:00p

Hope

After two weeks of moping around the house trying to solve the mysteries of the universe, I finally wrote down my feelings. I've felt much better. Of course it helped to see all the support Travis is getting-And seeing the cleanup process was extremely cathartic for me- I can't imagine how it must have felt for him.

So I've come from the despair that life can bring to realizing that the universe holds many wonders as well. Trouble may come-disaster may happen, but we clean up the mess and get on with living. It's people like my cousins Justin and Jason, My friends, John Paul and Crystal, and Sarah, and Sheila-Travis, and even people I've never met, like Tanis Miller who teach me that. May I have half the strength of any one of them if I ever do meet with adversity.

Welcome to the Black Hole of Despair

I've been dreading this post.

I don't know what to say. And what I do have to say seems so insignificant in the whole scheme of things.

I don't understand this life. I don't understand it at all.

I don't understand how one moment a man could kiss his wife and child goodbye and head of to work thinking everything was going to be okay and the next he's in a wheelchair, paralyzed and unable to speak. No longer physically able to pick up his child and hug her, or tell her that he loves her.

I don't understand how someone could survive the loss of their child (at 4, at 10-does it really matter?)

I don't understand how a woman can have so much love in her heart that she wants to care for someone else's child. I don't understand how her best friend could destroy that dream.

I don't understand how a man can celebrate his life on vacation one day, and the next mourns the loss of everything he owns.

I don't understand how I'm supposed to congratulate one friend on her engagement while consoling the other on an unexpected pregnancy termination.

I don't understand how I'm exempt from all of these things.

I'm a Cancer, so naturally I'm sensitive but I don't think anyone knows to what extend I feel these things.

I feel like I'm in the eye of a storm. I'm safe. I'm in my home, I have my legs, I have a husband whose never broken my heart... I have a son who is beautiful and healthy. And I don't deserve any of it.

I'm in the eye of a Tornado, but the wind is whipping me around, the debris is slashing me. It's cutting me to the bone.

Thank you, God, for everything you've given me. Thank you, God, for sustaining me, for protecting me-Thank you, God, For blessing me.

The art of balance

Almost a week has past with no post...

I've thought all week about all the little things I could write about. The stripper that applied for a job in customer service, for example, or the penis shaped Cheeto one of my co-workers found in her cheesy poof bag...

I could write about the state of a world in which Sudafed sales are bigger than actual prescriptions.

But the topic that always seems to dominate, is Time. (Time, time, time is what turns kittens into cats, Mr.Spike...)

Time is what turns children into adults, adults into old men and women... Time is what passes with or without your permission. Time is what's wasted as we work, as we sleep, as we dream.

So in the end, what's important? What do we give our time to? Do we stay with our husbands for the evening, when we know we should be writing, or do we stay up and hour late to play with our sons?

Do we neglect the cleaning, the laundry, do we say no to that social engagement we Really want to go to, or do we wake up at 5 in the morning, and go to bed at midnight to fit all in.

Yes (and no) to all of the above. IF you want something badly enough, you'll do what you have to do. You'll find the balance somewhere. Because if you want it badly enough you'll do it. If you don't, you'll drown it in.

I don't want to drown, so this is me: dog paddling...

The wind in your vagina

Alright.

I've been pondering what to write all day. I've got nothing... So instead of writing my own blog, I read others. There are a few out there that are impossible to ignore-Blogs that I cannot go a day without reading. My top three invoke emotional responses EVERY time I read them. Whether they make me laugh, make me cry, or make me think, I can't get enough.

One Word, One Rung, One Day This blogger is not only dedicated to his writing, but has a phenomenal talent. I haven't known him that long, but my writing has improved exponentially since I joined his group. (Thanks Travis)

Attack of the Redneck Mommy Not only is she hilarious, but she has lived a very inspirational life and I'm sending all my good Karma to her as she attempts to adopt a child. People who love that much should always have someone to share it with.

And last but not least: I know a blog entitled the wind in your vagina might steer away most people. But really give the guy a chance. He's hilarious. It's not a pervert's blog. He's a dad whose daughter made a really strange announcement on the playground one day. But more importantly, his blog is different than anything you've ever read. I love it.

So even if I can't give you something interesting to read, I at least know how to steer you in the right direction... Have fun reading...

There is nothing like looking at another human being and knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt that you're loved.

Don't get me wrong. I love my husband and I know he loves me. But there's always this doubt in the back of my mind where I don't unnecessarily know why. I always wonder if he would be happier with someone else, if his life would be more fulfilling without me.

But with my son, there is no doubt. When I walk in the door after a long day of work, the world just stops for him. Nothing matters until I pick him up and tell him how much I missed him and that I love him. It doesn't matter that he can't say the words. It's in his eyes and in his smile.

I can't sing. I cannot carry a tune in a bucket, but if my son is fussy i can put his ear right up to my mouth and sing to him and suddenly all is right with the world.

If only adults communicated so well. If only adults loved so unconditionally. If only...

Catharsis

Ididn't write as much as would have liked this week. With the hoidays I guess that's understandable. But I did a bit of cleanup.

I had two,three inch binders full of stuff that I had written for my novel. Different versions of te novel, scenes that I wrote, but felt I couldn't use.

Icleaned house. I got rid of everything but one working manuscript,complete with changes. It was very cathartic. It feels like I'm making a clean start, starting from scratch and not like this the starting to become the neverending story.

So I'm editing again. My goal is to try to have this ready for a contest at the beginning of next year. That gives me a definite time limit to work with so I'm hoping this will give me proper motivation.

Also, I'd like to send a huge thank you to my critique group. I was ready go give up on my current Work in progress and work on another novel. It was like them giving me permission to put it away for awhile lifted a huge weight off my shoulders. Now suddenly I've got all these ideas and its the one I want to work on.

It's funny how these things work out.