The art of balance

Almost a week has past with no post...

I've thought all week about all the little things I could write about. The stripper that applied for a job in customer service, for example, or the penis shaped Cheeto one of my co-workers found in her cheesy poof bag...

I could write about the state of a world in which Sudafed sales are bigger than actual prescriptions.

But the topic that always seems to dominate, is Time. (Time, time, time is what turns kittens into cats, Mr.Spike...)

Time is what turns children into adults, adults into old men and women... Time is what passes with or without your permission. Time is what's wasted as we work, as we sleep, as we dream.

So in the end, what's important? What do we give our time to? Do we stay with our husbands for the evening, when we know we should be writing, or do we stay up and hour late to play with our sons?

Do we neglect the cleaning, the laundry, do we say no to that social engagement we Really want to go to, or do we wake up at 5 in the morning, and go to bed at midnight to fit all in.

Yes (and no) to all of the above. IF you want something badly enough, you'll do what you have to do. You'll find the balance somewhere. Because if you want it badly enough you'll do it. If you don't, you'll drown it in.

I don't want to drown, so this is me: dog paddling...

The wind in your vagina

Alright.

I've been pondering what to write all day. I've got nothing... So instead of writing my own blog, I read others. There are a few out there that are impossible to ignore-Blogs that I cannot go a day without reading. My top three invoke emotional responses EVERY time I read them. Whether they make me laugh, make me cry, or make me think, I can't get enough.

One Word, One Rung, One Day This blogger is not only dedicated to his writing, but has a phenomenal talent. I haven't known him that long, but my writing has improved exponentially since I joined his group. (Thanks Travis)

Attack of the Redneck Mommy Not only is she hilarious, but she has lived a very inspirational life and I'm sending all my good Karma to her as she attempts to adopt a child. People who love that much should always have someone to share it with.

And last but not least: I know a blog entitled the wind in your vagina might steer away most people. But really give the guy a chance. He's hilarious. It's not a pervert's blog. He's a dad whose daughter made a really strange announcement on the playground one day. But more importantly, his blog is different than anything you've ever read. I love it.

So even if I can't give you something interesting to read, I at least know how to steer you in the right direction... Have fun reading...

There is nothing like looking at another human being and knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt that you're loved.

Don't get me wrong. I love my husband and I know he loves me. But there's always this doubt in the back of my mind where I don't unnecessarily know why. I always wonder if he would be happier with someone else, if his life would be more fulfilling without me.

But with my son, there is no doubt. When I walk in the door after a long day of work, the world just stops for him. Nothing matters until I pick him up and tell him how much I missed him and that I love him. It doesn't matter that he can't say the words. It's in his eyes and in his smile.

I can't sing. I cannot carry a tune in a bucket, but if my son is fussy i can put his ear right up to my mouth and sing to him and suddenly all is right with the world.

If only adults communicated so well. If only adults loved so unconditionally. If only...

Catharsis

Ididn't write as much as would have liked this week. With the hoidays I guess that's understandable. But I did a bit of cleanup.

I had two,three inch binders full of stuff that I had written for my novel. Different versions of te novel, scenes that I wrote, but felt I couldn't use.

Icleaned house. I got rid of everything but one working manuscript,complete with changes. It was very cathartic. It feels like I'm making a clean start, starting from scratch and not like this the starting to become the neverending story.

So I'm editing again. My goal is to try to have this ready for a contest at the beginning of next year. That gives me a definite time limit to work with so I'm hoping this will give me proper motivation.

Also, I'd like to send a huge thank you to my critique group. I was ready go give up on my current Work in progress and work on another novel. It was like them giving me permission to put it away for awhile lifted a huge weight off my shoulders. Now suddenly I've got all these ideas and its the one I want to work on.

It's funny how these things work out.

It's been over a month since I've posted a blog.

I have about a million thoughts every hour of hour day. The problem is, I'm POSITIVE no one wants to hear them! I mean if I wrote down every thought I've ever had, you'd think you were reading a schizophrenics website. I can go from "I wonder what the weather is going to be like today?" to "The psychological implications of portrayals of women in the media..." in about 2.5 seconds.

The problem is no one wants to hear that shit.

So, I'm stuck... as always... over-thinking everything. "What should the focus of my blog be? Should I write about my life as a wife? As a mother? As a writer? Hehe... as a schizophrenic?

I've discovered something about myself that I don't like very much... (Just add this to list):

I hold back a lot. Because I want people to like me, I find myself not writing about what I want to write about. I refuse to say what I want to say, and I'm pretty tired of it. Why can't I just be myself? Who cares anyway?

So let me introduce you to me. The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly....

1. The Good: I can be really funny (witty even) when I'm not being so shy I can't even look people in the eye.

2. The Bad: I cuss like a sailor. There's just something about the way the word Fuck rolls of my tongue that makes me happy :)

3. The Ugly: I sometimes go through bouts of depression. Serious depression where I could stay in bed for 48 hours and think nothing of it. Thank God for my family and friends who give me a reason to get up in the morning.

So now that that's out... My goal is to write something every day- no matter how aggresive, angry, or depressing it sounds... I want to represent me... that's what a blog is for, right?

True Blood

My new vampire fix...

I don't have HBO but I have 3, count them-3 people who are willing to record it for me. It's nice to have friends!!!

The new HBO series is based on the Sookie Stackhouse series by Charlaine Harris, one of my favorite writers. I've been waiting for the series to come out for 3 years, and so far, I haven't been disappointed.

Anna Paquin is great as Sookie, and I loved the scene where Sookie's grandmother was reading one of Charlaine's books!

Jason is hilariously dimwitted, Tara reminds me of my sister(I can't get enough of her),and Lafayette cracks me up!

I even like the guy the picked to play Bill: even though he isn't my favorite character by a long shot.
LOVE LOVE LOVE Sam. I don't know who that guy is but I want more of him!

The only disappointment for me, so far has been Eric. But to be fair I've only seen him and haven't seen acting yet, so maybe he'll change my mind. I'll reserve judgment on that later. (My pharamacist, who I got hooked on the books, says Eric is supposed to be the finest hunk of man meat alive-or dead!ha-but from what I've seen-not so much...)

So all in all, I can stop re-watching old episodes of Buffy the vampire slayer-at least for the next few months. And as Buffy would say: Wish me monsters!

My girl Gina

I first caught Gina "Conviction" Carano on the reality show "Fight girls." She is known for her stand up skills, using knees and elbows to completely annihilate her opponents (not to mention that her beauty has earned her the title of the face of womens MMA.) Since making her debut in Mixed Martial Arts she is undfeated with a 6-0 record and is currently working on her ground game and submission skills. Check her out Sat. Oct 4th on CBS at 8:00 central time. Here's a highlight of what you have to look forward to: