Idiot Jed, Glutton for Punishment

Spiders don’t scare me. Snakes can slither around my arm and I wouldn’t flinch, Home alone in the dark… no problem. But there are a few things that terrify me. Clowns, for instance.  

I watched Poltergeist as a kid, and sure, the stuffed clown grinning madly, rocking away in his rocking chair as “his kid” was tormented by an unseen force gave me the wiggins… Tim curry dressed in clown makeup telling cute little Georgie “we all float down here” from a storm drain still makes the hair stand up on the back of my neck, but it wasn’t until middle school when I started researching serial killers that I was absolutely done with clowns. John Wayne Gacy was real, people… Not just the figment of someone’s delightfully disturbed mind. Now every time I see a clown, I turn into a 5 year old: cringing, whimpering, and sometimes crying. I hide behind a blanket, cover my eyes, sink down in my seat, as if is any of these are valid survival tactics. 

Last year at the haunted house, full of clowns, it took me longer than it should have to get through because I was either cowering in the corner, or shoving my brother in law (who was deliberately going slower just to torment me ) out of the way so I could run.  

This was still less terrifying than public speaking. Just the thought of standing in front of a room full of people where I have to be the center of attention makes me nauseas. And a little sweaty.  

But speaking??? I’d rather be forced to go back through that haunted house every day for a year than stand up and talk for an hour. And hour, hell, I’d rather go back through that haunted house every day for a year than speak for 10 minutes! 

So naturally, teaching is an appropriate career plan, right? 

I’ve been fine with that choice so far. Sitting behind my computer at 5 in the morning, or midnight depending on which night you find me… was fine. Theories and methods, writing about teaching, talking about teaching hasn’t bothered me in the least. But, last week I turned in my application for student teaching, which means Shit just got real! 

I’ve been nauseas since I turned it in. I’ll probably spend the next 3 months in a constant state of panic. Right now, I’m wondering what the hell I was thinking.  

Just call me Idiot Jed, glutton for punishment (random buffy reference) 

But I chose this path because I’m tired of being afraid. I’ve wasted so many years saying I can’t do this because:  

So, I’m going to start doing things because I can. Because deep down, under this gut wrenching fear of failure, I know… I really do… that I ‘m pretty kickass.  

I believe that I’ll be a great teacher, that I can genuinely help students be better readers, better writers. I know that fear can only be conquered when it is faced. I know that eventually getting up in front of people will be a cake walk. Eventually, public speaking and I will be good friends. I’m going to be ok with it.  

But I will never be ok with clowns.

Tabula Rasa

I wrote tonight.

Something that I didn't have to turn in for class.

IT WAS AWESOME!!!

I love feeling this way. Why did I ever let other things get in the way of this feeling?

Not only did I write tonight, but I also went back and read something that I had written a few months ago to try to get my bearings. See where I was at... and I felt myself getting sucked in to the story. I couldn't stop reading it. Not because I was trying to see how many things were wrong with it or how much I was going to have to correct later.

I got sucked into the chapter I had written because it was...it was... it was GOOD!

I've made it a point to try to make mondays about motivation. (Good way to start the week,eh?) And there is nothing like reading something that you've written to remind you why you write in the first place.

So this weeks motivation is all about Tabula Rasa.

I'm adding the definition for those of you who do not know (And YES, because I'm just THAT nerdy!)

1

: the mind in its hypothetical primary blank or empty state before receiving outside impressions

2

: something existing in its original pristine state

Origin of TABULA RASA

Latin, smoothed or erased tablet

First Known Use: 1535

I'm thankful that each new day is a brand new "clean slate." I don't have to dwell on the mistakes and failures of the past, but instead can look forward to new growth and new oppurtunities...new ways to fail miserably and new ways to suceed exponentially!

Let tomorrow be the start of a grand new adventure!

Tuesday Twosome

I'm reading Diana Gabaldon's Drums of Autumn. This series is taken me forever to read, I do realize. But to be fair, its not because its boring. I love the books or I wouldn't be reading them a second time. But each book is over 1,000 pages long, and they are not "easy" reads. Plus I've slipped a few other books, including school, a few nonfiction, and I read the hunger games series over a course of 4 days.

Anyway, here are the two lines from Drums of Autumn:

She's said she was sure.

Roger lay in the dust of the road, bruised, filthy, and starving, with a womantrembling and weepingagainst his chest, now and then giving him a smallthump with her fist. He had never felt happier in his life.

I sadly have not written anything this week. I am playing with the idea of entering a contest for a short story that I've kept hidden away. No one's read it but me. I love the story but it needs a little bit of work. But we shall see.

I'm not posting on there today since I didn't have lines to contribute, but head over to http://womenofmystery.net for more Tuesday Twosomes....

Motivation Monday

May you have the hindsight to know where you've been the foresight to know
where you're going and the insight to know when you're going too far.

Motivation Monday

We are what we repeatedly do.
Excellence, therefore, is not an act but a habit. ~Aristotle

I love to read quotes. Sometimes quotes really make me think, or really motivate me to do better than I have been doing. Lately, the ideas in my little pea brain have been more than a little lacking. After school and dealing with 3 kids now (I am babysitting) cleaning house and working full time, I don't have much left in the tank. Its pretty much Fire Bad. Tree pretty., in the thinking department. But I have been brainstorming ways to add content to my blog.

I like the idea of motivation monday. Every one needs a boost to get you going during the week, to remind you to stay on track and stay strong. So, for this monday I posted this quote. I found it appropriate, since writing for me has been rather daunting.

So, I post this for myself, but also for anyone else who needs a little extra motivation. Feel free to take what you need, and maybe send a little love my way and let me know what motivates you!

Suzy Homemaker Kicked My Ass Today.

Ya know, usually, I think really hard at night about how my day is going to go when I wake up the next morning. Seldom, if ever, do I actually follow through with the plan I painstakingly set out the night before. Today, I totally jumped the shark. First of all, doughnuts have suddenly become like kid crack to my kids. Every morning, they ask for doughnuts. This morning was no exception. I was all ready to walk out the door and go grab a few doughnut holes, when I realized that my husband had taken my car, because his gas guzzling truck was on empty, and we've been running a little low on cash lately. So I get a bright idea. Second: My bright ideas are ingenius, magnificent, perfect plans for the perfect day, in my head. but somewhere between the idea and the followthrough something (I would say 98% of the time) goes horribly, horribly wrong. Third: when it comes to cooking, I am the bomb at opening a can of soup! Boiling water for some ramen noddles, I rock. Throwing a corndog in the microwave, I'm awesome at that. But making homemade doughnuts... not so much. I threw the first batch away. These are my award winning homemade from scratch doughnut holes:

Look delish, don't they?







This is the reult of letting my kids help:

So its 12:30, I've spent all morning trying to make doughnuts, have fixed nothing for lunch and my house is 3 times as dirty as when I started off this morning!

Suzy Homemaker:1

Me: nada...

Halloween!!!

Halloween is my favorite time of the year. Its not just the candy and the kids in their adorable costume. Its the changing weather, the leaves starting to turn and then fall. Its the football games and the cuddling with your loved ones. Its the pumpkins and jack -o-lanterns.

But most of all I love the scary movies and the haunted houses. My husband has never been too much of a horror fan, so I give him credit for indulging me. But this year, my dear husband bought us passes to 5 different haunted houses. We went to Sixth Street Massacre too, but we literally had to give blood to get into that one!

I saw a review of Sixth Street Massacre online, and I thought I'd give it a try!
I'm ranking these from the least scary to the most scary...

7. The Amazingly fun farm: Not scary! but so fun for the whole family. We took the kids and they stayed and played for 4 hours and still didn't want to leave when it was time to go. the maze which was the main attraction of the farm was fun to get lost in. You determine where to go by answering questions, or doing something silly. the first time we went in, it took us 15 minutes to get back, but that was only half the maze!!! The other half took my husband and son 45 minutes to find their way out! They also had a huge slide built out hay (which the kids loved!) and a number of other games and activities. Not a bad way to spend a Sunday afternoon!

6. Kaspers Kastle:Fun time for kids under 8. the Kastle consists mostly of yard blowups. But the kids love them. they also have a halloweentown set up and an area to color.

5. Farmageddon: Farmegeddon is what happens to the Amazingly fun farm when the sun goes down! To me it wasn't that scary. (My biggest concern was 1. a girl this big should not be running through a corn maze in the dark and 2.the ground was pretty uneven so I was afraid I might fall flat on my face. My husband insisted that when someone jumps out at me, I should run, not hide my face in his armpit, but what does he know?! My brother in law was pretty freaked out just from the sound of the corn rustling in the breeze, and at one point I thought James was going to have to clean his pants!

4.Center City Mayhem: It seemed to me that this house was mostly run by kids, so it wasn't as scary as some of the others. But do not underestimate scary kids! There were defiantly some cringe worthy elements. Most notable is the room with the kid holding the very large very live python, and the room with little kids throwing bloody baby dolls at you. One little kid, maybe 8 years old scared me so bad I made him laugh in the middle of his terror inducing act. Glad I could entertain you kid!

3. Insanitarium (Amarillo Scaregrounds): Not only are their 2 parts to the haunted house, the scaregrounds also has games and the gametrucks on site. Insanitarium is set up like a haunted mental hospital. Doctors coming out and shooting things at your from syringes, definately not my thing. Crazy people in straight jackets and rubber rooms... electric shocks at random moments... they built it to make it feel like the walls were closing in on you, which helped the theme, and they got more than a few scares out of me. Definately one of my favorites! Not for the faint of heart!

2. Sixth Street Massacre: I loved this haunted house, and it was hard to pick which one got number 1. this years themes were movies. they took scenes from some of my favorites and it really felt like you were in some of them. My favorites were the room with the ring lady. FREAKY! which also happened to be in a tilting room, so you felt unstable all the way through. the theater parts scared the patooty out of me, and my husband screamed like a girl through the whole thing. (I couldn't quite tell if he was putting on a show to scare the girls who went in with us or if he was really scared, but he'll probably tell you he was putting on a show!)This was the only haunted house that we had to wait in line. (But even the wait in line was fun, and totally worth it!) Actors mill around outside and scare the people waiting. Imagine my surprise when this guy snuck up behind me while I was simply trying to take a picture with the zombie!

1.If you know me at all, you know clowns just make me go "eeesh". Which is why Terror on 10th(Amarillo Scaregrounds) takes the cake for scariest haunted house. Terror on 10th didn't just have a few scary clowns. the whole damn thing was clowns!!!!!Freaking scary clowns in every nook and cranny, calling me by my name and chasing me though black hallways... I don't even remember most of it because my eyes were closed most of the time, but my I lost my voice in that one and more than once I did my scream/scary dance. When I came out of there, I had to take a beat to catch my breath.

If you're not trick or treating with your kids, or stuffing your face in between knocks on the door, its not too late to get your scare on! Its a blast and even more fun if you're with your honey!

Happy Halloween!!!!