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Sunday, November 30, 2008

It's been over a month since I've posted a blog.

I have about a million thoughts every hour of hour day. The problem is, I'm POSITIVE no one wants to hear them! I mean if I wrote down every thought I've ever had, you'd think you were reading a schizophrenics website. I can go from "I wonder what the weather is going to be like today?" to "The psychological implications of portrayals of women in the media..." in about 2.5 seconds.

The problem is no one wants to hear that shit.

So, I'm stuck... as always... over-thinking everything. "What should the focus of my blog be? Should I write about my life as a wife? As a mother? As a writer? Hehe... as a schizophrenic?

I've discovered something about myself that I don't like very much... (Just add this to list):

I hold back a lot. Because I want people to like me, I find myself not writing about what I want to write about. I refuse to say what I want to say, and I'm pretty tired of it. Why can't I just be myself? Who cares anyway?

So let me introduce you to me. The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly....

1. The Good: I can be really funny (witty even) when I'm not being so shy I can't even look people in the eye.

2. The Bad: I cuss like a sailor. There's just something about the way the word Fuck rolls of my tongue that makes me happy :)

3. The Ugly: I sometimes go through bouts of depression. Serious depression where I could stay in bed for 48 hours and think nothing of it. Thank God for my family and friends who give me a reason to get up in the morning.

So now that that's out... My goal is to write something every day- no matter how aggresive, angry, or depressing it sounds... I want to represent me... that's what a blog is for, right?