Rules to go by when visiting your pharmacy

AKA: MANNERS

If you are on the state dime, I expect a "Please" and "Thank You" when I fill your prescription. Being rude to me while spending my tax dollars so you can pop out more children just makes your RX take longer to fill and your vicodin prices get higher.

You are free to talk on your cell phone. However, if you must do it in the store, please use a quiet voice. If you wish to talk on it loudly while I'm trying to consult you on your crotchfruit's medication, don't call me in 5 minutes asking stupid questions. Nothing makes me happier than to tell you "If you weren't talking on your cell phone, you would know this."

If you have small children, please watch them. I don't shit in your house, so I don't expect your children to tear shit apart in my store.

Our garbage cans are not for your dirty diapers.

Our outside ashtray is filled with sand so you can put out your cig. It is NOT a place for your child to play

The price I give you for Vicodin and Soma is the price I give you. I could give a rat's ass if the chain dow the street is 1$ cheaper.

Putting your infant carrier on the counter (with infant inside) and telling my clerks "Watch him while I get money (for vicodin and soma no less) out of the car. This is not what a "good mother" should do. You should know this by now;its your 5th. However, since you are only 22, I will just assume you're just dumb.

If you are going insult me, please use proper English. My English isn't the best, but its better than "you don't ax me where I got dis vicodin at."

Things of a personal nature should be spoken with me in private. Shouting at me "Why does my husbands high blood pressure medication make his pecker not work" from across the store is going to give you a totally silent pharmacy and black stares as my insides explode.

If you are going to proclaim anything about your husband's "pecker" please make sure your husband isn't standing right next to you.

If you are going to bullshit me, please use the same story on different pharmacists. We do compare notes, and we don't like to be told that your vicodin was stolen one day, and flushed down the toilet by your infant the next.

Shower. Please. For the sake of the world.

Let me repeat. Fucking shower with soap and water.

Call in the number of your vaginal cream tube. Don't show me how greasy you can get your label.

Brought to you by the angry pharmacist!