I wasn't going to write today, because of the way I'm feeling. But I remember a promise I made to write (cough*cough) everyday, no matter what

Today is one of the days I was talking about, I woke up sad. By the time I dropped Steven off at the sitter's, I was in tears. I didn't stop until about 30 minutes before work.

I don't know about you, but explaining what depression feels like to someone who doesn't suffer from it, is not easy. Make it your distraught husband who is suddenly worried about the number of guns he has in the house and it becomes a nightmare.

I was diagnosed with depression a long time ago, when I was still in college. And again when My father passed away.

Once when things got really bad, I packed a bag and didn't tell anyone I was leaving. I was gone for 3 days. Granted I was at my moms house, So I didn't disappear completely. But at my worst, I'd be driving and wonder what would happen if I just turned the wheel enough to head into ongoing traffic. Who would notice? Would it make any difference at all?

I felt that way again this morning, not with the ongoing traffice, but really who would care if I wasn't around. Wouldn't they be better off without me anyway?

I put a lot of pressure on myself to be strong. I hate feeling weak, of feeling incapable of anything. I've felt completely lost lately. Mediocre things have become extremely difficult for me to handle. I can't focus, I can't concentrate. I could be told something one minute and the next completely forget what I was supossed to be doing.

Maybe it's time to admit that Ineed more help than just allowing it pass on it's own. Does succumbing to medication make me weak? What do you think?